I have confidence! (at last!!!)

Having written an uninspiring post 10 minutes ago, I have decided to write another one!

I was thinking about being so busy here, and why I am so busy!

I guess when we lived in Aberdeen, I worked for 3 and a half years and went to the Army on a Sunday, so was busy 6 days out of 7. Then, when I suddenly stopped working, and Samuel arrived, I guess I just accepted that that was my life and I met up with the people I had met through work and the Army when they were free. Yes, I made some new friends through the baby groups, but I wasn't very proactive in those friendships. We met once a week for coffee, and that was it! If I didn't have anything to do, that was that, and Samuel and I either stayed at home or went for a walk on our own. It never crossed my mind to ring anyone.

Since moving back to Middlesbrough, though, I seemed to have developed a new-found confidence I never knew I had. I am not particulary shy, but I'm not very good in social situations. I can't start conversations easily, or continue them when someone starts talking to me. I'm not ignorant or stuck up(which I think I can come across as being) I'm just not very good at interacting with other people, unless I know them really well!

Last Sunday, I took Samuel to the nearest Corps. Alan didn't come with me. (He was trying to fix our house alarm.) I went on my own. I wouldn't have done that 5 years ago. In fact, Alan had to come with me the first time I went to Aberdeen. I wouldn't go on my own.

Last Wednesday, I took Samuel to the local mother and toddlers group. We didn't know anyone there, but I thought it would be a good chance to meet new people. For the first half hour, no one spoke to us apart from the lady running it. After a while, Sam started smiling at a group of women over the other side of the room, so I picked him up and went to join them. I definitely wouldn't have done that 5 years ago! Turns out, this group was lovely and I am meeting them again this week.

This morning, I took Samuel to the Health Visitor for a weigh-in. I was told by the Health Centre to wait for a Health Visitor to get in touch with me. Well, I have been waiting 4 weeks now for someone to call. They haven't, so I took it upon myself to take him to get him weighed anyway. How bolchy is that!!

I find myself doing things I never thought I would. And, without being too big-headed, I am quite proud of myself.

However, I ask myself, would I do this if I didn't have Samuel to hide behind? A lot of the time, I use him in situations to speak to people and get invited to things. People come and speak to Samuel, which allows me to start a conversation with them (usually about him), but then that develops into something else. I took him to mother and toddlers to meet new people hoping that, when he is older, I will still be in touch with them.

Perhaps I'm not as confident as I thought I was!